I'm doing this to record some of funniest and weirdest moments in my class..Sometimes it becomes impossible to sit in the class as your intelligence gets insulted a lot but at the same time you dont want to miss out on the unintentional hilarity of certain situations in class..so here goes..This is a typical day in the class in Migc 2(that's my class)..
Enter "a wanna stay young old man" (my chemistry lecturer-who even dyes the hair growing on his ear lobe!) the moment we see him near the door,everyone lets out a very audible groan but he nonchalantly walks inside,comes near the teacher's table puts his both hands on the table and waits for everyone to stop talking,which obviously never happens.He pounds the duster on the table real hard n then everyone unwillingly shuts up.Now his standard dialogue-"Waat wus we doing in the pruveeos klais?" See amma..dont maik noise..I'm taiking so mach paain fur you peepul..egjaams are fasht yepproching..yevirday you musht go home,read aal my notses and write without seeing..then you peepul will becum furfect..I'm saying this as yoover brother" (yeah right!)
I simply stare at him wondering whether I'm back in kindergarten..I resort to my standard expressionless face, scribbling something in my notebook which resembles the ECG..I wonder how the creatures sitting in the front benches,yes creatures,not only manage to stay awake but also manage to maintain upto date notes with margins,highlighting imp sentences et al..another peculiar trait exhibited by these species is their 95% above attendance at any given period of time...they will never give proxy,they pride themselves in always being on time to the class..bunking a class is a sin in their dictionary n they will glare at you if you happen to make fun of any lecturer in the class..What a life?? Well its none of my business..maybe they have their own reasons for being the way they are and I'm no one to judge that..but still..whatever! Lets drop it! Coming back to my sir,he starts explaining the topic for the day and it seems as though time has stopped moving..the watch seems to have stopped functioning and my eyelids simply refuse to stay in place threatening to close down any minute and then all of a sudden i hear him say this(pardon the abusive language) "Iron whore is a mineral whore,I'll give u a list of whores(ores) come prepared tomorrow!!" My mind went blank after this sentence,like the static you hear when you are trying to tune to your radio channel. I was stupified,all my drowsiness vanished in an instant..I look at my friends wondering whether they heard the same thing I heard but they were too busy sleeping..I was just speechless and in a state of shock trying to digest what i had just heard, i was too shocked to laugh..rest of the period i was just staring at him thinkin whether he really knew what he was talkin in the class..then finally the time for taking attendance had come..the sole reason for my being present in the class!! attendance!! The coll authorities had shown me hell because of my low attendance..so my only aim in life right now is to get my attendance above the dreaded 75% mark..n for that I'll have to painstakingly attend each n every class,my worst nightmare...Ok forget about that as I can go on n on about it....so my sir started taking attendance,everything was fine until roll number 39..then he said "rool nember farty! ..fart one..fart two.."so on till the last number.The best part was when the students had to respond to their numbers..Oh Gawd!! I just died laughing!
Next period is genetics and this mam of mine dresses up in the most hideous way possible complete with super oily hair and ghastly gold rimmed glasses(most of the times she wears lenses but once in a while decides to torture us with her annoying glasses) and she wears the same salwar kurta 3 times a week atleast..she's got these droopy eyes which invaribly make me sleepy the moment I set my eyes on her..On top of that she speaks in the same tone throughout the lecture..I miss my bed very badly during her period,no lullaby can have this effect on me the way her lecture does,its like an instant cure for imsomnia,I wish I could capitalise on that,many people suffering from sleep disorders will thank me for it and I could become filthy rich..All of a sudden she screams "Hey you!!How dare you sleep in my class??Go wash your face n come!!" I'm jolted out of my dreamless stupor but she wasn't talking to me..it was another classmate of mine who hadn't yet perfected the art of sleeping with eyes wide open..I'm a pro at it...Poor thing was so sleepy that she couldn't sit still..her head would periodically go down as if burdened by tremendous amount of weight n suddenly come back to its original position..this happened for quite some time until my mam decided that she had had enough of her rhythmic siesta..Washing of faces has almost become a ritual in her class..Almost everytime someone or the other is asked to do it..my turn hasn't come yet..thankfully!
The next period is English.This lady thinks she knows everything but the sad truth of her life is that she doesn't know an iota of the language she is supposed to be teaching to us..She comes to the class with a big grin on her face and after she's done flirting with the guys,which lasts for about 15 min minimun,she decides to do something more purposeful in the class..and what does she do? She makes us write an essay on-'Reasons for conflict among people within and outside the country' I had never heard of such a bizzare topic for an essay ever before..Her weird way of pronouncing certain words will stay with me forever,for instance," Odey to a night'ANGLE'" That was supposed to be 'Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats'. I was flabbergasted to say the least and the way I controlled my laughter when she said that is something I can never forget..my face had become red because I was not able to control my laughter but somehow managed to do it..There are many more things,like for 'eccentric' she says 'essentrik'; 'embalmed' is'yem-baallmed' so on n so forth..And she once asked who's the leading lady of the movie"Pride n Prejudice" just when I was about to answer(I took some time because I was too busy sleeping), she said and I qoute " the ledding laidee of dee picture yees Kyra Brightly!" Now what to do say to something like that?
The last period for that day-Physical Chemistry..This lady lecturer of mine is 55 going on 16..The way she dresses up to coll can put any girl my age,to shame.Everything is colour coordinated in her outfit-right from the colour of her saree,necklace,earings,rubberband,sandals down to the nail polish..everything is matching-matching! Well one might argue that what's age gotta to do with it? But lemme put it this way..You are a lecturer in a coll..would you wear a black saree with heavy zardosi work and eaqually intricate blouse,complete with black-stone jewellery and even black nail polish? Its a coll for heaven's sake not a wedding!! I wonder how she would dress up for a wedding..and if that was not enough..one can easily notice how much cheap dye she appiles to hair everyday..One thing I cant understand about her is that when she takes so many pains to dress up each day,cant she apply the dye to her hair properly??..The outer layer of her hair is black whereas its all greyish orange inside.Another thing with this lady is, she wants to show off how much english she knows and how much in sync she is with today's generation..that's heights of delusion! We call her Basanti(of Sholay) because of the way she talks,she always sounds constipated to me because of the way she stresses at each n every syllable in a word,for example the word is'alpha' n she says"aaaaaaaalllphuhhhhh!!" it sounds as though she's having an orgasm in the class!! I really cant say whether she speaks that way on purpose..but yeah,I have a nice time laughing with my tongue placed firmly in my cheek ;)
That's about it..There are many things that I dint mention about many other lecturers of mine because it'll get too long and I dont have any patience to write about this anymore.
